By: Julia Martín Blanco
I’ve never been known for having too many friends.
I used to have a small group in primary school, we weren’t many, maybe four or five girls.
When we grew up and started secondary school, we drifted apart unconsciously, each of us developed our own interests and didn’t quite fit together anymore.
Still, I ask myself, now that I’m in my third year of college, why I never managed to keep a friendship after that, while they were always a part of big friend groups, had partners, and hung out all the time.
What was I doing wrong?
The light was too bright for my eyes, so I struggled to see clearly. I felt really uncomfortable in the room and my stomach was acting up as usual, but I had nowhere to go and nothing to help me get through it.
I was trying to be nice, they needed to understand me, I hadn’t done anything wrong and they were constantly screaming in my face.
The room was just as filled as it was empty, four men stood still, serious with weapons hanging from their belts.
I felt really scared, I didn’t deserve this.
My third year of college had just started. I already had in mind that I wasn’t going to make any friends this year either, so I went to class, and right after it ended, I went back home.
One day, during one of the in-between-class breaks, I was buying a drink from the old and barely working vending machines right next to our class’s door, when Suzanne — a tall, gorgeous and soft-spoken girl from my class — suddenly approached me.
No one had really approached me in years.
She tried to start a conversation, but I was scared. What if she just wanted to make fun of me? It always happens, they always do.
She didn’t give up.
Even if I wasn’t answering properly, she kept on trying to start a conversation, so I caved in the trap, and we chatted for a few minutes about our expectations for the school year.
I felt scared, was she just making up a nice persona to humiliate me?
I was moved to another room, the men left after I was handcuffed and unable to move.
I tried, I really did.
Then this woman (older than me, but not too much, maybe she just had work done and looked younger than she was), entered the room and sat on the other side of the table. She looked eerily serious, not scared like everyone else was when they had looked at me hours ago.
She asked me why I had done it.
This kept on happening for the next few weeks, small talk between classes, smiles when our eyes met in the hallways.
Then one morning, she approached me as usual, but she wasn’t alone.
Another girl from our class, Aurora, who sat next to Suzanne, came with her.
This girl was shorter than Suzanne, she spoke really loud, but she didn’t look nice. She was staring me up and down, eating me with her dark brown eyes, that might as well could’ve been blood red.
I stood there, quiet.
Suzanne kept speaking, like she always did. I felt scared, this girl definitely didn’t like me, nor did anyone else apart from Suzanne, but this time it felt different.
I felt as if I was in danger.
The woman tried to keep her composure. They all saw me as a monster, they were scared. I felt powerful, even if I was the one unable to free herself from the handcuffs.
She showed me the pictures from the crime scene, everything was found exactly as I had left it. Suzanne and Aurora lay quietly inside the machines. Their eyes, wide open, lightless, looking straight at the camera.
They whispered, and I hated whispering. They were talking about me, they hated me and what I had done, but they would never understand why I did it. It had to be done.
Then, after questioning me for what felt like ages, I was led to a dark and scary room. There was only a small window, probably built to let air flow, not for looking out of it, since it was completely out of reach.
They wanted to kill me.
A few months passed, I tried to get over this awful feeling of not belonging that I always had.
She didn’t make it easy.
One day, I decided to go over to where Suzanne was sitting, since it was early in the morning and Aurora hadn’t arrived to class yet.
I tried to warn her about Aurora, she had to understand what I’d been feeling whenever she was around.
She had been corrupted.
We started arguing, nothing like any superficial discussion we’d had before. She was completely driven by madness, Aurora had entered her mind and now Suzanne was part of her plan, something had to be done.
We had a break for lunch and gathered our thoughts before going back to our next class. They went inside the bathroom, I followed.
I felt sorry for what I was going to do next, but the weapon was already in my hands, and my brain was running on autopilot.
They barely even fought back, it was fairly easy. Their throats were cut first, I didn’t want them to say any more senseless words against me, just like Aurora wanted.
When I finished doing my dirty work, I looked at myself, hands red, loneliness took over me. I reminisced about the times when we used to go to the vending machines in those insufferable breaks, talking about insignificant topics, being deeply pierced by those bitter, soulless eyes that burnt through my skin, and corrupted my brain.
Our Ancient History teacher walked into the bathroom.
But I had lost my Suzanne.
So maybe that’s why I didn’t even flinch when I was sentenced to death.
I knew they wanted to kill me.
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